Crossroads
by MsJaye
Summary: AU story. A young Alex inherits a farm and must make a decision.
1. Chapter 1

This is an AU story. It started it out as a completely different story and then morphed into this.

This is something I've been working on for a while. It is not completely beta read. I have most of it written already but have ADD when it comes to typing or I typed it using voice recognition so anything completely weird that's there is b/c of that I've gone back a couple of times and reread it to check for that. Most of this story was originally written on sheets of handwriting practice paper and thought up while I was yelling at kids to keep their heads on their mats and sleep yes this is what your child's daycare teacher is doing during nap time.

Crossroads

one

She started out as a movement in the corner of m eye as I was washing dishes in Aunt Lila's kitchen. Nice fitting Levis and a white t-shirt with a hint of sports bra underneath. The water continued to run as my eyes were locked on the stranger whose dark cropped hair was matted down with sweat as she loaded up the red F350 with various sacks.  
>"Cousin Alex what cha lookin' at?" my toe headed cousin Jane stood next to me, our paths had hardly crossed in the past but on the rare occasional crossing I had always made it a point to stay far from her. Jane was the long awaited daughter of my mother's estranged older sister. Jane and Lila had never been very nice to me, and with 5 years between us me and Jane never had many things in common. I knew that if my visit had been under different circumstances that their behavior towards me would have remained the same. Her eyes followed my line of vision and landed on the object of my attention, "why are you lookin' at her, She's just the farm hand from the place next door."<br>I didn't care what she was just that she made my heart jump into my throat with just the site of her.  
>"Jane are you bothering Alex?" Aunt Lila scolded her, She had been walking on egg shells with me since I arrived knowing I held her fate in my hands. Lila and my mother had been estranged for quite some time. I had never gotten the full story and the family had an agreement whether spoken or not to never speak of it. What I did know was that Lila had done something to mother that she deemed unforgivable. It had been a huge surprise when after grandma's sudden death her will stated that she had left her entire estate to me. All 180 acres or working farm that I knew nothing about. It had taken me 3 months to get out to the farm and now I had 3 months to decide whether to keep it or not. It was stressful because whatever I decided would not only effect me but also Lila and Jane . I was supposed to start Graduate school I could not afford a farm that was barely breaking even.<br>"She was lookin' at Olivia you know the one who works for Amy Johnson," Jane told her mom, "Don't know why'd she be looking at her. She's just a dumb dyke."  
>I saw a flash of red and I grabbed Jane by her throat and pinned her against the wall. Jane's eyes were wide with surprise and fear as I held her in place. Aunt Lila was screaming. I stared directly into Jane's eyes, "Don't you ever say that word again, do you hear me?" and I let her go .<br>"Jane," Aunt Lila yelled, "Tell Alex you are sorry."  
>For the first time in her life Jane's Mother was not defending her she had a look of shock on her face. Jane muttered some apologies and then under her breath whispered, "And I bet you're one too." Just loud enough for me to hear. I gave her the evil eye. When I turned my attention back to the window Olivia was gone.<p>

2

The nearest town to the farm was a little over 30 minutes of bumpy country roads away it claimed a population of 300 and it was the only place that my cell phone that he that hath reception so much for my Nationwide coverage. I cursed my phone company at the measly two bars of reception. At least in town and could access the Internet and a slightly higher speed than the 56 K dial up that there was at the farm. The town was literally just one row of businesses. The church, a school, a diner and a feed and seed general store/ gas station seemed to be the center of the community. It was the church that had brought Aunt Lila, Jane, and myself to turn on that Sunday. Aunt Lila was a very active member of the church so I decided to tag along for the ride in even though i knew that town would be deserted during the service and since there was no way I'd be attending the service I figured I'd just wander a bit. Jane raise a fuss about me skipping church before she realized that all her friends would be at the service so she wouldn't be missing anything.

I glanced at my cell phone and decided to give it a try and make a call to my best friend Payton. She answered. " O MG! Alex how are you hanging on out there," at least payton sounded happy to hear from me not many people did these days it seemed.

" girl you would not believe it if you saw it. I mean it is so beautiful but I feel like I'm a time travel the back to 1996. Barely any cell coverage sorry in advance if I drop your call. And I'm stuck on a dial up connection out at the farm and I can bearly the load facebook but it has its advantages. I've had a lot of time to think and write up mostly there's no Abigail and so even though my cousin is a huge pain in my behind not having to worry about abide makes it bearable. It's like a different planet here." I was rambling trying to get everything out before the call inevitably dropped them.

" do they know you're queer?" Leave it to Payton to be up front.

" it hasn't come up but it's not like I'm hiding it besides what are they going to do kick me out it's my land. Besides Lila has been all but worshipping me lately. Trying to convince me not sell a seriously haven't made up my mind yet." Beep beep call drop. " shit!" I cursed, " fucking time warp town."

" Is it really so different here" there was a voice coming from behind me. I swear I jumped 10 feet and when I saw who the voice belonged to I almost fainted, " sorry I didn't mean to startle you but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation." It was Olivia, " I grew up in an even smaller town this you couldn't even call it a town it was more of a compound I had to bust and at work and 1/2 to school both ways I've actually never been in a town bigger than this one. I'm Olivia by the way."

I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak if I open my mouth but I'd tried anyway, " I'm Alexandra but most people call me Alex. You wanna know how different where I come from is? How many people living around this area?"

" Well I would figure around 600 if you really push it and two of the smaller communities." She said.

" Well that's a doubt how many people graduated high school with me." I smiled. "And to top it off I haven't heard a dial up tone on a computer since I was about 11 and that's torture for me since at home my computer is never turned off, and my cell will never call drop a call either." I shook my head.

"I couldn't even imagine that," Olivia said, " don't think I'd like to live so close to so many people and I've never had much use for computers and round here most people use CB radios to communicate when they're away from home and phones."

"city life is an acquired taste I still think I'd like it better and here is my phone when get a decent signal," I smiled to myself.

" so can I ask you something?" Olivia said.

" sure" I answered.

" why aren't you in church?" She asked me.

" I could ask you the same thing," I gave her a sideways glance and a smile.

Our eyes locked and the question was left up in the air.

We set and chatted a few more minutes until someone called her way she said they were her employers. They looked like the biggest most stereo typical bull daggers ever it made sense that they would hire a hot young butch to work on the farm and around the house. I saw Olivia again a few days later when she stopped by my property to help with some project that I knew nothing about but invented a reason to be nearby. I was wearing denim shorts and tank top that showed a little extra cleavage on purpose to try to catch her eye I had the headphones in my MP3 player tucked inside my ears the music not playing in a mock attempt to look uninterested I was sitting on the railing of the front porch with one leg dangling over the edge and the other bent up at the knee and my extra dark sunglasses on so much eyes would be hidden, my plan was to watch as stealthily as possible, that was until Jane and one of the dumb friend showed up.

" hey Alex, what cha doin?" I pretended not to hear her but i knew she wouldn't give up so easily, " hey Alex!" She screamed and I saw some of the men and Aunt Olivia look up, " why are you sitting here aren't you hot?" The girl was practically screaming and I wanted to kill her. Then she lowered her voice to barely a whisper and said, " you're trying to get that girls attention aren't you?" Then she laughed. I watched ash and walked over to the workers said something and walked away. They all laughed and Olivia looked embarrassed but didn't look my way. Jane looked proud of herself.

So much for the planet thought I was ready to drag my sorry self back inside when I heard my name yelled, it was her. " listen don't worry about it people always feel the need to make inappropriate comments to me I didn't take her seriously."

"Wait, what exactly did she say?" Now I had to know.

" in her words she said that you want me to Fuck you behind the chicken coop." She quickly breathed out.

" oh my god! Are you serious?" I couldn't believe her, "I'm sorry every time I think she can't go any farther she surprises me again."

" please come around before you leave so we can talk some more." I asked.

"I don't know if I should people talk" she said.

" I don't care about people I Care about you..." When she still didn't look like she was going to agree I whined, " please," and gave her a smile.

" all right," she caved and I giggled. I wasn't one to giggle but it seemed to have an effect on her. When she returned to work the other men patted her on the back the scene to accept her but I felt that it was more to it than an easy acceptance.

Three

By the time the men had finished I had showered, shaved and put on a flower print dress. I had no expectations but I wanted to look nice for her I was sitting on the front porch with a cold beer and handed it to her. " so what did you wanna talk about?" she asked me.

" nothing special just talk," Olivia looked uncomfortable, " look let me be straight up with you," I said, " I like you I think you're nice person and I want to get to know you can you walk for awhile and just talk."

" but I'm dirty and sweaty," she said. I loved the way she looked after a day at work I would keep her that way forever if I could.

" I don't mind please." I smiled and we went off together strolling along the property till we came to a small area that had a group of the trees and a pond. We settled down in a soft patch of grass we talked about everything and nothing at the same time just enjoying each other's company. Slowly our hands intertwined in my head resting on her shoulder, slowly she reached an arm around me we sat in silence for awhile just staring off. i looked up at her face, I was starting to fall hard for her. " kiss me," I whispered and she did. She leaned forward until our lips met gently and i turned into her arm brace until I was straddling her legs and would not let her end the kiss I felt alive and my body was burning I pressed my tongue against her lips in an attempt to get her to open her mouth until this point she had been passive letting me set the pace of the kiss for once she opened her mouth she fought me for dominance which I'd gladly gave up. Her hands ran up and down my side her hands were rough from work and just the feeling of them against my arms was too much for me I could feel the wetness pooling between my legs, I moaned into the kiss. Her hands reached lower running under my dress up my thighs, "please," I whispered and her hands then ran up my inner thighs stopping just before reaching the place and really wanted them. I was whimpering your hands kept up the rhythm my hips were rocking forward my mouth was now leaving kisses along her neck "touch me" I whispered it was half between begging and a sob her fingers finally grazed me through the cotton of the underwear and I held back a cry.

" girl, youre soaked" she said, I buried my face deeper into her neck and she continued to touch through the barrier, " and you're shaved too? Ain't never met a girl did that."

" it makes it feel better" I was able to choke out and two fingers graze that under the elastic.

" stand up" she said, " I wanna take a look at this."

I did as I was told not believing I was about to do it I felt like I was a kid playing show me yours – and I'll show you mine had one leg on either side of her. I took a step back her hands reached up under my dress she brought my panties down I lifted my feet to get them all the way off, I was suddenly shy.

" lift up your dress" she told me.

" what if somebody?" I was nervous

" no one's gonna come round here," she assured.

Again I did as I was told slowly my skirt came over my head I closed my eyes. " so beautiful" I heard her say she put her hands on my behind and pulled me forward I gasped when I felt the press and kiss over my clitoris. " oh my god," escaped my mouth when I felt her tongue take the first swipe.

"God you taste good. So sweet" she said before she goes back in, she was being slow and building me up.

" please I want you inside me. I wanna hold on to you while I come." I pleaded, I climbed back onto her lap straddling her crossed legs. She didn't waste any time two of her fingers pushed inside me and I cried out all the gentleness of before was gone her fingers were pumping in and out and fast rhythm. " O god fuck me" was all I could get out she pushed in the third finger and I could feel myself stretching could feel the burn I cried out and push harder against her and held onto her tight and bit down her shoulder I felt myself tighten around her and then start a spasm and " oh god" I said again when I could talk. I didn't wanna move I wanted to feel Olivia inside me forever. I felt a shift under me I knew she must meet some kind of relief. " let me do something for you" I whispered. I knew from my past experiences with butch girls I had to be careful how I approached this. I was kissing down her neck running my hands up and down the back.

" you don't Gotta" she said, she moaned and I found a sensitive spot.

" I want to" I assured "you are so sexy I want you so bad I want to feel you come on me I'll do anything." That was the magic phrase she shifted us laying me back on the grass I stayed how she put me Olivia stood over me and peeled off her jeans and underwear she settled herself between my open thighs and could feel the scratchiness of her pubic hair against my newly shaved skin as she started thrusting into me. Our wetness was mingling together with each thrust of her hips she made contact with my clit. I knew I was gonna come again but I wanted to hold off I wanted to watch Olivia climax. Her face was contorting and she thrust harder. Finally she let out a cry and collapsed on top of me. We just laid like that for awhile be holding her our legs intertwined she was the one to finally move.

" the house is back that way" she said nodding her head was the direction we have come from. I hadn't made an attempt to move I was still on my back legs spread wide open and Olivia eyes doing their best to avoid me as she pulled her clothes on. I felt quite unlike myself I had never given myself so freely to another person. It had taken Abigail weeks to convince me to get into bed with her and even then I held myself back which had been the root of all of our problems. There was only one before her I thought I had loved her and I wasn't so sure anymore. Olivia extended her hand to me that i gladly took she pulled me up and gently straightened out my dress that I was sure was ruined she kicked a few stray leaves from my hair. " you better get back it'll be dark soon."

" aren't you coming with me?" I asked my voice sounded small.

" no, it'll be faster for me to go this way," she seemed nervous.

" when will I see you again," my voice and shaking.

" I don't think that's a good idea," she said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. " I don't do things like this" and whispered, " I'm sorry I don't know the proper etiquette for fucking in a field," I was angry at myself for letting this happen I turned away when I felt a tear wet my cheek I started back towards the house. I heard her call my name but I didn't look back and started running, I didn't stop until i reached the front porch and even then I just threw the door open and practically flew up the stairs and into my room with a door locked I was finally able to get my emotions out this was all my fault I should've known better.


	2. Chapter 2

Four

I never saw Olivia in town since she was always working. Jane went to her church activity while I decided to head down to the store to pick up some random items. I walked into the store and only a few moments later in walked Olivia the clerk greeted her warmly but I was frozen, I must have looked like a deer in headlights there was no escape she had seen me her boots clicked along the wooden floor as she approached me. " Alex?" She whispered. My eyes were downcast and I read used to look up she were each day out and put a hand on my arm which I jerked back.

" I don't want to make a scene" I said almost two quietly, " if I looked at you I will please just leave me."

" I'm sorry I hurt you," she sounded sincere but I had heard a lot of sorries in the past few months that had meant nothing I just couldn't trust this one.

Still looking down at the ground I started to speak, " I let you touch me... I... I... Let you look at me and taste... I... um... I don't do things like that." She tried to touch me again but I pulled away, " please don't, I couldn't stand it."

" looked Alex it really is for the past I'm sorry things got out of hand but you seemed like you wanted it I didn't force you I don't know what to say."

I finally looked at her, "I did want it I just didn't think that that would be the end of it I don't open my legs for anyone I'm sorry if I'd made it seem like I did. It's me that should be sorry I shouldn't have expected, it's all my fault I shouldn't have."

" a girl like you know and a girl like me it just doesn't work out I'm sorry I let myself get carried away. You're different I don't usually do things like that either at least not the way we did but we can't go on it just wouldn't work I'm sorry is for the best." Her voice was gentle and we stared into each other's eyes.

" can I ask you something what do you mean girls like me? I just don't know what you mean" every possible thing passed through my head is she mean because I was from the city or because I was college educated and what was she talking about.

" you're too pretty too feminine you can and will find yourself a man to marry who will give you things a girl like me never could" I was shocked at her statement I couldn't speak.

Finally I choked out " that's what this is all about?" And then laughed, " you couldn't just said" but I didn't get the finished speaking at that moment the door to the store opened

" Alex" a voice said. I froze and took a step behind Olivia. All the eyes in the room were on the stranger who had just entered the room " not even one month and you've already moved on to the next one."

" Abigail what are you doing here the judge said 25 feet" I was shaking my nails were digging into Olivia is arms " Abigail you have to leave" my voice is not a steady as I wished. Abigail was in no way are nearest all, strong, or even as butch Olivia and I knew that if it came down to it Olivia would protect me but I was panicked as Abigail got closer.

" I came down here to convince you to come back and fix this I'm sorry things a sort of you and I love you just come back." She got closer she tried to reach around Olivia to get me but I screamed and the next thing I knew you Olivia had added heel pain on the ground and somebody was pulling the back while someone else polled Olivia off of Abigail who was screaming obscenities. " Alex you know you love me you belong to me and I will get you back." Then she turned to Olivia and said, "don't get your hopes up about getting any pussy from her and she is a fucking the frigid bitch."

" Abigail just leave" I screamed she was forcefully removed and there was silence in the room Olivia inched closer to me and took me into her arms I started sobbing softly.

Abigail was a big mistake I even knew it at the time but she was the only person around who was paying any attention to me. I had never felt beautiful and I was too quiet and withdrawn which was when had drawn Abigail to me she saw someone who she could control and it worked for a good while. I did whenever she wanted and then convince myself I did love her but I knew it wasn't true sex was about her the only way she can get off was when I was which I can hardly ever do with her chin never took the time to find out what I needed she'd grow frustrated at my inability to respond to her sexually.

" who was that?" Olivia whispered.

" a big mistake" I answered.


	3. Chapter 3

**I have serious ADD when it comes to typing like I said before I wrote most of this on handwriting practice paper during nap time so most of it is written out it will get posted it in the time it takes me to actually sit and do it. So I can't promise long the updates. But I will try. **

Five

Olivia insisted on going home with me and Jane but I didn't want to go there I was afraid that Abigail would show up there Abigail came 500 miles to find me she wasn't giving up that easily. Olivia sensed my unease she left Jane at the house and then suggested I go home with her. I was still shaken but I agreed. Olivia lived in a small room attached to a barn it was nice and cozy but small it suited her the very simple. Olivia stared at me as I sat on the edge of the small bed, the only place to sit, "do you wanna talk?" She asked.

And I shook my head and started to cry again. Olivia took me into her arms and soothed me finally I looked at her face. " I'm sorry you had to be a part of that she is something I wanna put behind me but I don't think that it will be possible since restraining orders mean nothing to her. I just wish I had stood up for myself the first time she hurt me, I let her get away with too much for too long. I thought I was doing it because I love her but she freaked when I decided to come out here after graduation it was bad I thought I knew which was capable of but I was mistaken."

" she hit you?" Olivia asked.

" and more but I really don't wanna talk about it please not now I just wanna feel safe." I snuggled closer to Olivia who brought us to A laying position on the bed it was the twins size bed barely be enough for her little long ball for us but we made it work both of us on our sides my head pressed against her chest she walked me back and forth.

" you are so beautiful" she whispered "I love how you always wear pretty things and you smell like a lavender and vanilla." I buried myself closer to her and I took a deep breath taking her scent and she smelled like dirt and sweat and hay and I loved it. We spent long moments in silence her arms felt so strong I fell asleep. When I woke up Olivia's arms were still wrapped around me tight, the light from outside was dimming. " hi" Olivia whispered.

" I'm sorry i fell asleep" I whispered back, " you must be uncomfortable."

" no baby girl I'm perfect," she pulled me closer she ran her hands over my back stopping just short of one behind just ran them up and down. " I'm sorry that she hurt you just thinking about and it makes me so angry" Olivia was speaking just over a whisper.

" it's OK" I whispered back " there's nothing you could have done and besides I let that happen to me it's partially my fault."

Olivia to be by surprise and flipped me onto my back she hovered over me her legs on the outside of mine she held her weight on her arms on either side of my head, " don't you ever say anything like that again" and she kissed me hard pulled back and said " it is unacceptable to ever heard a woman" she kissed me again, " god you're so beautiful how could anyone do anything bad to you." She scooped me up in her arms and she started to cry. And let her cry and hold me it was amazing that she could feel so much and see things about me that I couldn't she started kiss me again and push herself into me I spread my legs for her. I had pink silk panties under my dress which was hitched up around the hips Olivia looked into my eyes, "I'm so sorry I hurt you I made you feel used I'm so sorry I just got scared because I like you so much that you would hurt me so I hurt you first I'm so sorry" and she kissed me again the contrast between my silk panties in her rough venom as driving me crazy my body responded to hers in ways I thought were impossible.

" please" I panted "I need to feel you against me I need to fill your skin" she yanked my dress over my head in one movement and my bra with another. I tucked my hand under the flannel shirt she was wearing she got the message and that was gone quickly as well as the white undershirt she was over me in her sports bra and her jeans,,,, she stilled and was having an internal battle I was afraid that i pushed her too far we hadn't talked about our boundaries yet. We made eye contact and I decided to reach for a jeans and ignore the rock and quickly she quickly kicked them off at the same time manage to get my panties off and we settled herself between my thighs I laid completely still waiting for her to make a move Olivia slowly rolled her hips forward she kissed my neck. " you feel so good" I whispered and her ear. Suddenly she slid herself off my body and attached her lips to my clit her tongue making gentle circles then slowly picking up the pace until I was squirming my thighs were closed around her head and my quick orgasm surprised me. " please Olivia hold me I'd need you" I gasped and she took her place over me and wrap my legs around her waist " let me feel you" I said she started her rhythm up again her breasts were still encased in the tight sports bra I ran my hands inside the back of it.

" Fuck it" she yelled as she ripped the bra from herself and crushed her breasts against me before I could get a look but they felt full and soft against my own small breasts. Her pace against me picked up.

" baby girl that's so good," I urge her on, "you feel so good inside me god please don't stop," she rolled her hips into me even harder, her rhythm became erratic "that's it baby please come inside me" those were the magic words she shuddered and collapsed on top of me she buried her face in my neck she was quiet for a long time finally she spoke, "how did you know?" She whispered, " how did you know what I was thinking?"

" I just did," I whispered, we laid still for a while just enjoying the feeling of each other I felt safe and loved in her arms I never wanted to leave the cocoon we created.

The door burst open. Olivia turned her head towards the door " Jesus Christ Amy haven't you heard of a knocking get the hell out of here" it was one of the women she worked for Olivia covered my nakedness of her own Amy made no move to leave, " Amy I said get the Fuck out"

" I just didn't expect you to be in here with one of those town whores you should put a sock on the door something" she laughed she closed the door behind her Olivia jumped up and threw her jeans and shirt on and ran out the door after her while I scramble to get my own clothes.

" what is wrong with you Amy?" I heard Olivia say through the door.

" you don't even know that girl and you have are in your bed." Amy yelled back and Olivia.

" I know enough and it isn't none of your business who I bed." Olivia sounded furious.

" well I'm not going to help you when a crazed boyfriend comes out of the woodwork" Amy stated.

" this one is different she is full time." Olivia is voice carried through the wall.

" fulltime? Hah!" Amy laughed "that pretty little thing never full time until a man snatches her up then she'll leave you don't make me say I told you so."

" get out of here Amy I don't care if I do work for you you don't talk about her like that." Then I heard Amy laugh as she walked away.

When Olivia returned I was sitting on the edge of the bed eyes downcast " you heard didn't you" she put a finger on my chin and lifted my face.

" maybe I should go." I said, "will you take me home?" My lip quivered, "please".

" I don't want the night to end like this" she took me in her arms.

" I don't want to get you into any trouble" I didn't want to put her job in jeopardy because of me it wasn't worth it.

" don't pay attention to her she's just a bitter old dyke who slept with the wrong woman one too many times. I really doubt her and Barbara have had sex in the years she's just jealous don't let her worry you." Her voice was full of emotion.

" I just think I have to go home please don't make this hard I'll see you tomorrow or somethin please" I beg.

" alright" she agreed she got herself straightened up we went outside to her truck to open the door for me and lifted me inside I was quiet for the short drive to my house it was the first time I had thought of the farm is mine, grandma's or aunt Lila's but never mine. It was mine though decisions had to be made soon but right now I was tired. I had the woman of my dreams next to me and the woman of my nightmares roaming the countryside I knew it wasn't the last I'd see of Abigail I couldn't think about that then as I leaned my head against Olivia's shoulder I wanted to will the world away. Have an existence of just me and Olivia no farm, no aunt, cousin no bitter old lesbians telling me I wasn't good enough. Just us. We were at the house all too soon. " please I'm not ready yet" I know it was me who asked her to bring me home but I wasn't ready for our night to end.

She took my cue " want to go sit on the porch swing for a bit?" I nodded in response we made our way to the seat, the night was lovely the fireflies were dancing in the moonlight and the crickets were singing softly we we sat in silence it was comfortable Olivia's arm wrapped around me, the pad of her thumb with gently making circles on my bare arms. The moment was too perfect I turned in her embrace and gently kissed her lips it didn't turn passionate it was what it was, a gentle slow kiss showing our feelings that we're starting to become stronger. The kiss lasted for what seemed like forever there was no rush just the two of us, and then Aunt Lila.

The door to the house flung open " what is going on out here" I jump when I heard Lila I felt like I was 15 and is that caught making out on a school night past curfew it took me a second remember I wasn't.

" what does it look like?" I rolled my eyes it was too late and too much and gone on for me to be polite. " you're not stupid you know what kissing looks like"

" I'm sorry Miss Lila I'll be going" Olivia tried to get up but I had a grip on her arm.

" no stay" I demanded then turned back to my aunt, " is there some rule against that here that I am unaware of?"

" this is unacceptable what if Jane had seen I will not allow this simple behavior of my child" she turned her attention on Olivia, " and you I better not see you back around here corrupting my family"

Olivia tried to make a break for it again but I held firm, " hold up a second if anybody should be banned from this house its me for pursuing her she is hardly my first but I'm not in the mood for this right now and if you have a problem with my lesbianism then pack yourself and your brat of a daughter up and leave because I refuse to be told what I can and can't do in my own house and that's what if it is" I I grabbed Olivia and planted a kiss on her just to shock my aunt.

" and your mother knows about this?" Lila stammered.

" since I was 17 and even if she didn't I am a grown woman and it is and none of her business who I bring to my bed and on that note Olivia I will see you tomorrow" I let go of her arm and she all but sprinted towards of the truck. I turned back for its my aunt " and auntie I will be in my bed alone sleeping" I walked towards the door, " I don't have time for this shit" I mumbled.

" what was that?" Aunt Lila was not one to give up on a fight easily.

" I said" my head whipped around back to her, " if you are still here in the morning you better never pull that on me again" and I charged up the stairs at that point I did not care one way or another if she was there when I woke up or not. I flung myself onto the bed and couldn't help but laugh, " well that's one way to come out of the closet."

**It took me longer than necessary to type this out I got a phone call I wandered around the house made some hot chocolate looked up a random things on the Internet ADD at its finest but I got it done.**


	4. Chapter 4

Lila was still there when I finally crawled out of bed. We eyed each other but neither of us

would break the silence.

There was a know at the door. It was Olivia, I jumped up and Jane was behind me. "Oh Olivia," Jane said as she made kissing noises. Aunt Lila grabbed Jane by the ear and dragged her away much to my amusement.

''I thought you'd be too scared to show your face around here after last night." I laughed through the screen.

''Well I had to see you to make sure you were Ok. Are you gonna come out here so I can

kiss ya or should I just head back home I'm sure Amy'll be looking for me soon," Olivia shrugged and turned.

''Don't you dare," I threw the door open. Olivia snatched me up and planted a kiss on

my lips, a kiss that I refused to let end, until I felt light headed due to lack of oxygen. I smiled into her mouth. I felt at peace with her, ''Though you are right,'' I said casually, ''Amy will be looking for you if you are gone too long." In response Olivia caught my lips up in another kiss, ''I could kiss you all day you taste so good." I sighed.

A bright red jeep with much too loud music came flying up the drive.

"0MG!' 'I squealed and ripped myself off Olivia. I took off running towards the jeep.

I squealed again and launched myself at the driver who was climbing out of the ''Payton!" I Screamed, my best friend since early childhood. We grew up together, discovered our affections for girls together though not with each other. We confided everything. My arms and legs were wrapped around her. Payton was me complete opposite where I was petite and feminine. Payton was close to six feet tall. Her muscles rippled under her Abercrombie Polo shirt. Her short blonde hair was sculpted into a faux hawk. When she put me down I turned my attention to the woman standing beside her. I wrapped her in a hug too. ''Annmarie!" I was completely giddy. Annmarie and Payton had been together for what seemed like forever Annmarie had a style that I could only wish for hair, nails, clothes always perfect, caring, loving

and sweet, the person I could only strive to be.

"Oh my God guys I need you to meet someone," I jumped up and down clapping

my hands like a little girl. "Olivia,'' I yelled, ''Come here I want you to meet someone." I ran back to where I left her and grabbed her by the hand "Come on! Come! ''I hadn't realized how much I missed Payton until she was right there in front Of me, "Payton this is Olivia, Olivia this is Payton my oldest friend in the world and her wife Annmarie," I could not get the smile off of my face.

''Well," Payton drawled, "We came out here to check on you. I was worried because

I heard Abi was thinking of coming out here but I see you are being properly taken care of. Payton sized Olivia up. "Well hello Olivia I'm happy to know that Alex has someone looking after her, she needs it.'' She turned to me "Abi wouldn't stand a chance against her,"

"Believe me she didn't," Olivia stated.

"She's been here already?" Ann Marie questioned.

"Yes Ma' am but I doubt she'll be back if she knows what's good for her. Nobody lays a hand on a woman while I'm around." Olivia then turned her attention to me, ''But I'm Serious Amy is on the war path gotta get back to work. She you later girl.'' I turned my face up for a kiss which she provided.

Once Olivia was far enough away Payton's entire attitude changed it was a side of her that I knew well and a side I hated to be on. "What's going on with her?" her remark was snide, ''What could

you two possibly have in common. You know nothing about cows, I thought your mother left here so you could have a better life than all this." I was half expecting her to stick her nose in the air.

''Leave her alone babe, Olivia seems nice" Annmarie interjected, "Besides she'll be a good distraction to get your mind off of Abi and you'll have some fun for a while before you sell the place and come home."

Truth was I hadn't been thinking of selling the place. It was growing on me more every day the quietness was comforting. I felt at peace, but now that Annmarie mentioned it, I did have to go back eventually I had Grad School to think about and could I ever be content living here. Payton made me feel silly for even entertaining the thought, "Yea" I said in agreement with Ann Marie.

"And look at you," I knew that Payton wouldn't let it go. "What is wrong with you, you're standing outside barefoot and wearing overalls you really are doing as the Romans do aren't you next thing you know. You'll be chewing on a piece of straw and playing a banjo. You're lucky you're my bestie or else I'd never be caught dead conversing with you. So tell me is she a good fuck? Has she taken you for a ride on her tractor?" Payton was mocking me and I was letting her.

"Are you going to invite us in or has being out in the wilderness made you forget your manners." I led them towards the front door, tears brimming in my eyes just over the thought of leaving Olivia and at my inability to speak up for myself.

Lila was back in the kitchen.

"Guys," I said ''This is my Aunt Lila, Lila these are my friends from home" Then I continued to the parlor area where Payton and Annmarie both sat on the tiny love seat while I sat on a small chair across from them.

I wanted to hide how upset Payton was making me but I was not doing a good job. Payton had a smirk on her face and Annmarie had a softer more compassionate look on hers, although we never spoke of it both of us knew What it was like to be on the wrong side of Payton's moods.

It was actually Jane that came to my rescue without even realizing it. In she walked and she couldn't have looked country if she tried in her cutoff jeans, flannel shirt and cowboy boots, Hair in two braids and her red cowboy boots and I'm pretty sure she smelled like horse. "This is Jane my cousin '' I told them.

"So that's your jeep. Outside, it's pretty fancy," Jane shoved herself between the two and started

to pepper Payton with questions. I gave a sideways glance to Annmarie and a nod of my head praying She could read my mind,

"Alex can you show me where the bathroom is?" I guessed right Annmarie is a mind reader.

I took her up the stairs and into my bedroom. "So what's up?" she asked.

"I really like her. It's not a fling I don't think at least it's not for me." The tears I had been holding back began to fall.

''Oh baby "Annmarie said as she reached out for me and took me into her arms.

"Nobody has ever gotten to me like her, She treats me like gold,'' I said. I left out the part where she tried to convince me she wasn't good enough for me and how it had only been three days since our first time and how I was quite sure of our official status of our relationship

but whatever it was it was only about 24 hours old, ''I'm gonna stay here at least until I figure

it out "

"Honey you do what you need to do, I'll get Payton to lighten up on you. You know she doesn't mean to be that way she just doesn't like it when things aren't the way she thinks they should be.'' Annmarie still had her aims around me.

I decided to change my clothes into something that both Payton and Olivia would like but both for different reasons. I looked preppier than I had in weeks. It was the way Payton expected me to look. As I checked myself out in the mirror I wondered why it seemed that the world was against me and my happiness. Everyone had an opinion about my life and everyone else's mattered before my own.

Jane was still pestering Payton and though Taylor could be the nastiest person on Earth She never did it to someone's face unless she thought she knew you well enough to impose her views of you on yourself.

Payton stood up when she saw us "What if anything is there to do in this place?"

"We have satellite?" Payton rolled her eyes at me. "Are you serious when you described this to me I didn't realize how bad it really was you should be glad you don't have to stay here and so am I. I could never imagine you here. What do you do all day?"

She'd only been around for an hour but I was all nearly tired of her. "Oh you know the usual, bailing hay, gathering egg, milking Bessy, Shooing horses, you know farm stuff" I huffed.

"There's no need for that sarcasm Alex it is not attractive, you should try to be more pleasant.'' with Payton it was better to fight fire with fire and give what one was getting, she ended her comment with a smile and took me in a big bear hug. She really wasn't all bad, Payton was the main one there for me after Abi hurt me. She was so angry at me for not telling her about what Abigail was doing to me until it was too late. She had held me and cried with me, "but seriously what do you do around here?" Payton asked. "Seriously?" I repeated "we have satellite and I wasn't kidding about gathering eggs. but I've had a lot of time to gather my thoughts I've been writing again. It's a different life out here." I paused a second "I'm not sure I'm totally opposed to it. Talk to me again next month I might have a different opinion but for now this is good for me.''

We Chatted and goofed off for the remainder Of the morning, I told them all about Abi's visit, and I wasn't convinced it was her last, we had a great day until Amy Johnson Showed up demanding to see my Aunt.

''You tell that niece of yours she'd better stay off of my land. Whatever Olivia does

on her own free time is her business but I will not have it done on my land. I know her type they come around seduce girls like Olivia and then leave them high and dry when a man comes around nothing but easy sluts and I won't have it.'' Amy was ranting at Lila.

I thought Lila was going to blow a gasket, "what makes you think you can come onto

my land and talk about my family like that, You do not know Alex enough to have any opinion Of her and I'll have you know my niece is as queer as a three dollar and Olivia should be so lucky as to have a woman like Alex, or maybe you are just jealous because you want Olivia for yourself I mean I never thought it was natural, two old bats like you out there with that young girl but it's not my place to say but people in this town talk Amy. Now get Out of here.'' Lila slammed the door in Amy's face then pointed a finger in my face "And you! I never had these types of problems before you got here. Don't think I approve of your lifestyle but you don't come one someone's land and talk bad about their family.

I was in complete shock as I watched Lila exit the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Haven't updated in a while partly because of laziness and also because i didn't want to update untill I was sure where I was actually taking all this but I've figured it out and everything that was happened will all come back around and make sense.

After so much drama and after a home cooked meal courtesy of Aunt Lila. Payton decided that it was time for them to leave so off they went. Payton was secure in the fact that if Abi did return I would not be in harms way.

Olivia did not turn up again until almost 9 that night, I had about given up hope of seeing her that night. I invited her in. She smelled like soap and cologne but her fingers still had dirt embedded in them. We stretched out on the couch to cuddle. She apologized for being so late but Amy had saddled her with so much that it had been impossible. She also told me about the warning she had been given about me. I didn't tell her about the visit we had been paid. We held each other and kissed for awhile and after the day I'd had I couldn't help but drift off

I opened my eyes but it was still dark. I was trapped I couldn't move. I could feel the panic building in my chest. I wanted to scream. It was coming back to me. She's holding me down, I can't escape. Finally the scream that bottled up inside me erupts with a fury. The next thing I know all the lights are on and I'm on the floor of the living room with Olivia and she's saying over and over "you're ok it was a dream" and there's tears on my cheeks and Lila and Jane are there I want to disappear inside myself. I know it wasn't a dream I was awake or at least semi lucid but I was right back to that night I'll never forget. The darkness and humiliation, It was all back and suddenly I couldn't catch my breath. I was gasping I felt a hand touch me but I jerked away "Don't touch me Abigail please I don't want to." I should have known it couldn't have been her even in my hysteria I remember thinking that her hands felt too rough but the hands grabbed me again and held me while I screamed.

A mantra of "I'm not Abi I'm Olivia Abi is gone.'' accompanied the strong hold on me. My breathing calmed but the panic was still in my chest and at this point I knew I was being irrational this wasn't Abi. This was Olivia. These arms wouldn't hold me down and take what they wanted but the urge to fight was still there, fight like I hadn't that night. Finally the grip on me was loosened and I looked up into Olivia's scared brown eyes and collapsed against her "I'm sorry'' I started to repeat over and over again.

''It's 0k baby, It's ok you're safe here with me.'' She said her voice was soft in my ear.

I didn't want to face her, I was embarrassed, "Tell them to leave,'' I whispered in her ear.

''I've got her," she said we Sat on the floor Still for a while until Olivia stood up with me still in her arms, she carried me in silence to my bedroom, these arms wouldn't hurt

me, they were safe. She layed me down on the bed and turned me on my stomach. And gently she lifted my shirt and started tracing circles on my back.

''I'm sorry," I whispered again. burying my face in the mattress.

''Shh," was the only response I got as she continued the slow soothing circles Until I drifted off again.

When morning greeted me I was alone in bed. I just knew that I had scared Olivia off. I rolled over and was greeted by the crinkle of paper. I pulled it out from under me.

I hated to wake you. looked so beautiful I'll see you later on tonight.

- Love ya, Liv.

I read the note over and over stilling over the last few words, love, Is that how she feels or maybe I shouldn't read too much into it. Maybe she meant it in a friendly way. After my scene the night before I'd be Surprised if Olivia stuck around. My deep thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my door, "Go away" I polled the blanket over my head.

The knocking continued and Jane's Voice came through the wood, "Mom said to bring you some breakfast.''

"I don't want any go away!" I yelled back, I didn't want to face anyone at the moment.

"'On come on let me in" Jane whined,

I ignored her until she went away. I was not ready to explain myself.

Olivia showed up later that evening with a tray of food. She didn't say thing just set the food out then led me to the desk where it was, I started eatting, I hadn't Realized how hungry I was. I gobbled it down and looked up with a big smile.

''Do you want to talk, "she asked.

''I guess I owe you an explanation," I sighed.

"You don't owe me anything girl. I just want you to be Ok. I'm sorry if I did something last night to scare you,." Olivia took me into her arms, ''Last night I felt so helpless I just wanted to be able to take it all away." ''It wasn't your fault, I was having a flashback what Abi did to me was horrible. She wanted to make sure I knew I belonged to her and that She could do what she wanted to me, I just wish I could forget," I snuggled closer into her.

We made our way to my bed, Olivia spooned me from behind she pecked kisses along the back of my neck we stayed silent of a while then she took a deep breath, ''Let me tell you a story," She began, ''I told you I came from a very small town but I didn't tell you that it was more of a compound, my daddy was the preacher, I never left until I was 13, That was When a person from the state came and decided that we children needed schoolin' because daddy's bible teachin wasn't enough. To tell you the truth I couldn't barley read or write and I could barely count but I didn't know no better. I know now that he was keeping us ignorant because he didn't want the outside world to influence us and sometimes I think he had a point, He wasn't a bad man he just has his own beliefs, so the state made us be bused to school and it was that freedom that allowed me to notice I wasn't like other girls but I really didn't understand until I close to 16 and I met Caroline. In my eyes she was wordy and not ignorant like me. She made the first move she kissed me, I thought I was in love, Then one day her Daddy caught us, she fed him some bull shit about saving herself for marriage and would he rather she be messing with boys. He didn't buy it and he called my daddy. Daddy came looking for me with a strap he took me out into the woods and beat me. Told me I had the devil and that I would not be allowed back home because I would contaminate the other Children, after that Caroline told me I had to get out of her life she told her daddy that it was all my idea. She's married now. that's when I met Amy and Barbara. They really helped me out and now I have you, so life has a way of putting you where you need to be when you need to be there."

I turned back towards her and started to cry again and I got ready to tell her my secret what I hadn't told Payton, or the judge that issued the Restraining order and the thing I denied to the ER doctors that saw the bruises and Marks on my body. "She held me down and raped me and when she was done she held me down while she let her friend have, me. She laughed."

"I should have fucking killed her," Olivia Whispered to herself more than me.

After that she stayed silent and just held me.

The next few weeks went by like a dream Even though Amy was still working Olivia to death our nights were spent in a loving Cocoon that we created. For the first time I could remember being happy. It was like a calm before a storm I knew was Coming.

"You know what Lila I think that I'm gonna keep this place. At least for a while longer, I think I really like it here", I told my Aunt but I guess I'm gonna have to work if I wanna stay out her. Maybe I'll put school on hold for a bit," I was turning out loud. Lila looked stunned but didn't speak. I just shrugged. ''I've got to go see Olivia now."

I was serious about staying it was mostly because I felt safe secure and loved. Stilling running on the high I was feeling I decided to call my mom that was the first thing that went wrong that day.

''Hi baby how are you doing out there is it horribly boring?'' she asked Me.

I hadn't talked to her since I'd been there and it was for a good reason. ''Naw I kinda like it. It's

quiet like" I laughed, ''I've only had it out with Lila once and now we're Ok. Actually I wanted to tell you. I'm thinking of keeping the place,"

''Why would you do that? It's not the type of place you could be happy, Those are not nice people,'' I knew mom hated it out here though I didn't know why.

''Well they are nice to me and there's this girl Mom. She might be the one. You should have seen the way she took Abi down."

"Oh so this is a girl, well that's easy you can bring her out here. Besides you have school soon," mom said.

I took a deep breath before I continued. "About that I'm not gonna go at least not this year. And Olivia wouldn't do well in the city she's not that type of people.'' "You are gonna give up your future for this girl. so you can not in that podunk town I didn't leave there for you to do this, don't give up your future for some country hick," she yelled at me. "Don't you talk about her like that, you are wrong it's not these people who aren't nice. It's you." and I hung up on her.

My mom was another one who thought they could control me. Always told me what to do and how to do it She ran my life to the last detail when I was a child. I needed this place. It would be good for me or at least that is what I was hoping * * *

After the conversation with my mother I was lower than s had in awhile. Oliva picked up on it immediately but I refused to talk about it. I just wanted to enjoy her company and just focus on the good which was Olivia.

"I've got someone I want you to meet," Oivia told me, "but it's a bit of a drive," she wasn't lying the bumpy roads made it feel that much farther, we pulled up to a hundred year old house that looked like it needed some serious repairs there was an old woman out on the front porch. She greeted Olivia

and then turned to me. ''Alex this is Ms Ida. Ms Ida this Alex, Ms Alice's granddaughters."

"You're Ellen's girl, I haven't seen you since you were in diaper's." Ms Ida embraced me

"I come out here to help Ms Ida when I Can," Olivia said, "I told her about you and she asked me to bring you round,"

Ms Ida had some fresh lemonade, ''It's a shame you didn't get to spend more time

here when Alice was alive she was proud of you, she would just go on and on. Ellen

never did forgive her sister thats probably what kept her away. I always said it was Lila that should have held the grudge.." Ms Ida served me some cake.

''Yes," I agreed, "Mother doesn't have many fond memories of this place but I can't see why she always painted the people like horrible monsters, so far everyone's been so nice,"

"Well can't say as I blame her after what happened," Ms Ida said, ''It's a real Shame I thought for sure she would have brought you out here for your father's funeral.''

"My father?" I asked.

''We were all so sad when Richard died it was such a tragic accident.'' She told me.

This woman must be senile ''No," I corrected her, ''Richard wasn't my father he was Jane's he was married to Aunt Lila,"

''I know know that,'' Ms Ida said, ''I'm not senile. He was every bit your father as Jane's.''

''No! that not true!'' I yelled. It couldn't be. I got up and walked away I needed to clear my mind. If that was true then everything in my life had been a lie. Was I the only one who didn't know? I felt so stupid but it made so much sense. "Alex," Olivia caught up to me, ''What was that?''

"She's a senile old lady who doesn't know what she is talking about,'' I started I couldn't let Olivia know I believed her because it couldn't be true, why would they keep something like that a secret.

"Alex, I'm sorry I didn't know," Olivia was still trying to catch me.

I turned to her, "You should be this is all your fault you should have never brought me here. Just leave me alone.'' I didn't know where I was going and it couldn't be very far because we were once again like always in the middle of nowhere. There was nowhere to go. I needed to get my thoughts straight. and right now my thoughts were telling me to flee I was almost surprised that Olivia didn't follow me but I must have looked like a • psycho or something because she stayed where I had left her. Maybe mom was right all along. After a few minutes I walked back towards Olivia. ''Lets go somewhere.

I need to be around people."

• • •

Olivia was taking me to a place that she herself had never been too though she'd heard about it enough from Amy friends to know where it was located. It was early evening by the time we reached our destination a town an hour and a half away, a place I still considered tiny but to Olivia it might as well have been New York City we decided to grab some food at a diner, we had not discussed my earlier outburst and I was not ready to think about it. Our food arrived and we ate in comfortable silence.

Our meal was intercepted by a man in a state trooper uniform "Olivia is that you?" the man said.

Olivia turned and embraced the man who was now sitting next to her in our booth. ''Wow ''he said, ''You actually got out of that town to what do we owe this occasion. I thought I might've seen a flying pig."

"Elliot this is Alex," Oliva motioned the towards me.

"Oh, I Should have guessed it would have been a girl," Elliot laughed ''Well Alex you have just achieved the impossible I feel like I should be pinning a metal on you, ''

"Elliot be quiet," Olivia galled him a punch on the arm, ''Mister Big shot here got out of town and got himself a big city paying job.''

"I've been trying to get this one to to apply but so far I haven't been able

to get her over the county line. You should talk to her.'' he addressed me.

''Excuse me Im right here, and you know I am perfectly happy doing just what I am, I don't need to leave I have all I want,'' Olivia was getting flustered.

I reached across the table and took her hand, "If she doesn't want to then it's not for you or me to tell her any different.'' I was trying my best not to sound patronizing I don't know if I succeeded but the subject was changed.

Elliot stayed a while longer while I finished my milkshake and fries.

Our next stop was a small hole in the wall. I don't think it even had a name but there it was a room with a bar and a small dance floor that was crowded with various couples, All of them same sex, it was more girls than guys and mostly older but it was just what I needed.

Slow country music was playing and Olivia led me to the dance floor and took me into her arms. ''I love you Princess," she whispered into my ear as we rocked back and forth to an old song, the music changed to a faster song and we Made our way to the bar. Olivia bought me

a beer, we had a great time. and after a few beera Olivia even convinced

me to two step with her it was perfect. I was happy. That night we slept in a motel one in town. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to face reality.

The morning came around too soon. "Do you think its true?" I whisper to Olivia. The early morning tight was just starting to pour through the window.

''I don't know baby girl, the only one who can tell you for sure is your Mom" Olivia held me close placing kisses On the crown of my head.

''I don't think I want to know." I feel tears welling up. but I held them back.

''That your choice then," she told me, ''we've got to get up you know. They'll be missing

us."

''No," I said, and snuggled closer, ''not yet. I need to feel you close for a little while longer. '"I pressed a soft kiss against her lips, "please."

''That s not fair, Alexandra Cabot you know I can't deny you anything," She whispered in my ear.

"I know," I whisper back.

We didn't get back until 1 late in the afternoon. I begged Olivia to stay with me but She really had to go. I really did not want to see Lila or Jane but I had to face them sooner or later.

"Where have you been?" Aunt Lila asked as soon as I opened the door.

"Out,'' I snapped. I kept on going straight to my room to change out of yesterdays clothes: It was when I really stopped to think about it it all made sense but what should I do about. Should I punish them for denying me my father.

I watched the sunrise over the horizon from that spot where Liv had taken me that first time. It was beautiful I should have felt at peace big but my mind was running at a million miles per hour. Even when I heard her and then felt her sit next to me. I have no idea how long we sat in silence but finally I broke it..

"I'm tired of this two Roads diverged in a fucking yellow a wood shit." I throw myself back onto the grass. "I don't want to take the road less traveled any more. I want a career I want a settled drama free life that seems so out of reach.'' I looked up to the sky ''Fuck you

Robert Front!" My rant was triggered by my lack of sleep and the 6 pack that had kept me company through the night.

Olivia still sat apart from me "Alex you can have anything you want."

''No I can't. I can't have everything. I have to make the choice. I can stay here take over the farm, and be with you raise my future 2 kids and a dog or I cant sell out go back to school and marry my job. I can't have it all. I need to choose my road and I need to do it soon." I told her, " I don't even know how to make a choice my mother still won't let me buy a dress without her input how am I supposed to make a choice that really matters."

"Maybe we can just forge our own road," Olivia said, "and don't worry about me I will stand by you."


End file.
